Thursday, 7 September 2017

I understand now why they say the first year of marriage is the hardest

Our wedding day was truly the happiest day of my life so far.

You only have to look at our photos, and video, to see the beaming smile that was plastered across my face all day.

Image by Insight Photography.
Image by Insight Photography.
Image by Insight Photography.
Obviously, even without seeing my cheesy grin, you'd expect me to declare it as the happiest day of my life to this point. And, honestly, it was.

But the weeks that followed were hard.

Everyone always says "the first year of marriage is the hardest". I never really knew what they meant before.

I always knew that our relationship and partnership wouldn't change after we were married, so I couldn't understand what people meant. Did they mean it was hard between the two of you? Do you suddenly start hating each other once you're married?

Now I totally see what they mean.

After so much build-up, excitement and expectation, then a wave of emotions on the day itself, it's quite a comedown once it is all over.

And, honestly, I just didn't know what to do with myself.

We haven't yet been on our honeymoon (only two weeks now until we jet off!), although we did go on a 'mini-moon' straight after we were married. This was lovely, and meant we stayed living in our wedding bubble that little bit longer.

But, when we came home, it was strange. Whilst I felt so incredibly happy and excited about embarking on married life, I also felt strange.

I don't want to say sad, because that sounds extreme, but I didn't feel normal. I didn't feel like myself. Changing my name on everything was so exciting - but it was also a strange feeling.

I just can't put my finger on what was wrong. I was agitated, stressy, snappy - even more so than normal!

The only thing I can think of is it being an extreme comedown from the wedding. From the two and a half year build-up, the excitement, the anticipation, the happiness - all over with.

Once our wedding bubble burst, and we went back to reality, it was weird.

Without sounding overly dramatic, there was nothing to focus on. Nothing to save like crazy people for. It was just suddenly all over.

I now understand why everyone says the first year of marriage is the hardest. They don't mean the marriage itself, or the relationship - at least not in our case. Tom and I have never been happier or more settled. We're making exciting plans for our future and looking forward to so many different things.

It's the circumstances - if even that - that they mean. The huge changes, the comedown, the pressure that's on you as a couple...

So many people have said to us about having a baby, starting a family and generally creating a brood.

While that is lovely, and I too am excited for all of the above, it does add a bit more pressure to us. To know that people are waiting to see when it will happen. I feel if I wrote a blog entitled 'We've some happy news to share' everyone would automatically assume we were having a baby.

There's been a lot of talk about this recently, whether it's right to ask people about starting a family. Of course, you never know what anyone is going through personally, and I am sure no offence or harm is meant when people ask.

It's just another example of the pressure newly married couples face in the first 12 months. Everyone automatically expects that once those rings are securely on your fingers that you'll start pro-creating.

I really hope I am not the only person who has ever felt like this. I'll feel even worse if nobody else knows what the hell I'm talking about!

I definitely feel like I've come out the other side now. We had Soph and Paul's wedding which catapulted us straight back into the wedding bubble. It was just beautiful.




Now we've got our honeymoon to look forward to and when we get back from there it's time for birthdays, bonfire night and the Christmas countdown.

Hopefully the post-wedding black hole is a thing of the past now. I certainly feel more bright and positive, that's for sure!

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