03/08/2014

How do you know when you have found 'the one'?

Those of you who know me will know that I have never really been a relationship kind of girl due to my bad luck/choices with the male species.

Neither am I a 'woman of the world' with a colourful lifestyle, I'd like to add.

A few months ago I wrote a blog outlining the positives of being single for such a long period of time.  I was really just trying to justify my long-term single status to my dad & brother, who seem to have an unusually keen interest in my relationship status.  Don't worry, though, guys - I am quite alright, I know what I'm doing.

Reading back on that blog now, I have to smile to myself.  I still strongly believe that the moment you stop looking for something, or someone, you find it straight away.  But how do you know when you have found 'the one?'

I am guessing they don't wear a sandwich board with 'I'M THE ONE' emblazoned on it in big, bold, easy-to-read font which flashes in a multitude of colours.

Given that I don't live locked in a dragon-guarded tower, I can hardly assume the man who rocks up on horseback in full armour to rescue me is 'the one'.

Nor can I assume that 'the one' will appear outside my window with my favourite flowers and begin serenading me with my favourite Ed Sheeran song. (Note: my favourite Ed Sheeran song is Thinking Out Loud for future reference for anyone.)

It's also safe to say I won't receive 365 letters, one everyday for a year; especially as letter writing seems to have been killed off by the email and social media.

I doubt anyone is going to write me a song to let me know they are 'the one', and I can't see anyone hiring out a banner to fly across Selby or partake in a bit of sky-writing.

Hollywood and Disney have left me very unprepared for this moment of my life, creating very unrealistic scenarios which I can almost guarantee will never happen to me.

Let's be honest, if I went all Andie Anderson on a guy he definitely would not turn out to be 'the one' and I would probably successfully lose him in less than 10 days.  Of course, it helps that she is stunning and Benjamin Barry had an ulterior motive.  But, nevertheless, she discovered that even after her over-the-top baby talk and insensitive naming of his penis that he was 'the one' when he chased her down on his motorbike.  (Apologies for the How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days reference but that's one of my all-time favourite films!)

Walt Disney is the worst culprit, with Nicholas Sparks a close second.

If I lost my shoe on a night out, I can almost guarantee that the male who found it would do one of three things:
1. Use it as a weapon in a mass brawl
2. See how far he could throw it as a demonstration of his masculinity & sheer physical strength
3. Try it on when none of his mates were looking just to see what it would be like to wear heels
He certainly wouldn't be trawling the surrounding area with a search party to find out who the shoe belonged to.

Maybe I need to be looking for more subtle signs instead of the ones Disney and Sparks make us think are the right ones.  Romance isn't dead, it's just not going to be like a fairytale.

Perhaps it's just simple signs I should be looking for, like seeing something he would like and my thoughts immediately drifting to him; or being genuinely upset for him when his team loses, despite my hate for them and the constant joking with him about it; or not wriggling out of a night-time spoon, despite sweating like Lee Evans and him snoring in my ear, because my moving might disturb his sleep and wake him up.

Knowing that just hearing his voice will make me smile when I am in a bad mood; always getting butterflies when I see I have a text from him and when I know I am seeing him soon; and still laughing every time I hear the story he has told me countless times are surely more recognisable, realistic signs that I have found 'the one' than waiting for some grand, romantic, Disney-esque gesture that is never going to happen?

Disney never outlined any of the above in any of his romantic stories, neither did Nicholas Sparks, but that doesn't mean they can't be signs to us normal, everyday people.

Maybe one day I will be able to answer my own question but, until then, I will keep my eyes peeled for the guy sporting the flashing sandwich board while keeping an eye out for those more subtle signs.

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