19/09/2013

25 things a man should never say to a woman


Women really aren’t as difficult to understand as the opposite sex would have you believe.  We really are pretty straight forward.  Any men reading this – pay attention to the following.  To the women readers – pass this on to the man/men in your life to read.  It will hopefully lead to a more harmonious life for all.  Gents, just remember to never say any of the following to us and all will be well in the world...
 
 
  1.      You look tired.
To a woman this means: you look like shit.
 
  1.      My ex used to do that too.
Never EVER compare your new girlfriend to your ex. Ever.
 
  1.      I can’t believe you finished all of that!
Woah, are you saying I’m fat?
 
  1.      Are you going out dressed like that?
This triggers the following thought process: Do I look fat?  Does he not find me attractive?  Do I need new clothes? 
 
  1.      Is that all you are wearing?
Excuse me, you’re not my dad. 
 
  1.      Oh, is she the fit one?
WARNING: A question like this will probably trigger a deathly stare. 
 
  1.      I told you so.
Don’t ever go there.  Women are always right.  It will serve you well to remember this.
 
  1.      It’s nice that you don’t really care how you look.
If we are spending time with you in our joggers with a scruffy knot tied on our head and a bare face it’s because we are comfortable with you, not because we don’t care how we look.  Instead of the above sentence, replace with ‘I like the natural look, it’s nice that you feel comfortable enough with me to go for that’.
 
  1.      Maybe you need a bigger size?
Three words: Can. Of. Worms. 
 
  1. Stop nagging me!
We wouldn’t need to nag if you did it the first time we asked.
 
  1. Will you iron my shirt for work tomorrow please?
Only if you’re wearing it as we iron.  Guys, you really need to learn this vital life skill (or learn to live with creases).
 
  1. Do you want me to park it for you?
WE CAN PARK!!!
 
  1. This is a 40 zone not a 30.
SHUT UP! There is nothing worse than a know-it-all, male, back seat driver.
 
  1. Aww look, your first wrinkle/grey hair!
This is never ok.
 
  1. Calm down, dear
Don’t tell us to calm down, this will just make us more angry.
 
  1. You’re so hormonal, is it that time of the month?
We don’t like this.  Just as you don’t like it when we talk tampons and sanitary towels. Leave the subject alone.
 
  1. I thought you were going to the hairdressers?
Pay more attention.  Compliment on our hair even if it looks no different.
 
  1. Have you seen that new exercise DVD advertised?
Do you think I’m fat?
 
  1. What’s happened to your eyebrows?
Don’t ever mention our brows unless you are complimenting them.  If they look like caterpillars, or are barely even there, we will know about it.
 
  1. Do you really need another pair of shoes?
Yes.
 
  1. Just remind me when your birthday is...
Always have a diary to avoid the consequences of this question.
 
  1. You’re turning into your mother!
Unless this is meant as a compliment, don’t say it.
 
  1. Make me a sandwich.
This is only ever an acceptable demand if we get something in return.
 
  1. ...but you didn’t text.
Ah, but did YOU text?  No.
 
  1. What’s the point?
If we have asked to do something there will be a point to it.  Don’t question it.  If you want an easy life just do it.
 
 
The basic message is to think before you speak.  Would you like it if a woman commented on your weight, your driving, or your fit friends?  I didn’t think so.  If you follow this easy ‘what not to do’ guide you will find that your life is free of hassle, backlash and unhappy women. 

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