32 things I wish I could tell my 14-year-old self which will be relatable to all noughties teenage girls.

1. You might feel like the most morbidly obese female in your school and see all of your friends as being skinnier than you, but you will look back in 10 years and wish you'd made the most of not needing to hammer the gym three times a week just so you don't feel guilty about eating a family size bag of Sensations.

2. Lambrini is never a good idea.  Neither is standing outside the off license in town with your friends trying to get someone to go in and buy some for you with all your pocket money that you've saved together. 

3. Hiding said Lambrini in someone's front garden when the police come is also not the wisest of moves.

4. Don't post anything too cringey on MySpace or Bebo because, one day, you will forget your login details and these pages (pictures, comments etc) will haunt you forever - 'AwW bAbEz U cAn Av Ma LuV fOr 2Daii CoZ u Iz Da BeSt M8 I CuD eVa AsK 4. lUv YoU 4eVa N eVa BbY gAl'

5. Don't write like that either.  It takes ages, for a start, and does not look cool.  (What was I thinking?!)

6. Signing in and out on MSN when you notice the boy you fancy is online is not going to make him want to talk to you any more, it's probably just going to annoy him into blocking you.

7. Don't then log in to your secondary MSN account, which is always kept as 'appear offline', to check if said boy has blocked you.  Behaviour like this at 14 will set you on a slippery slope.

8. 'IDSTFM' is not true - it can be destroyed and will not be true forevermore, don't worry.

9. Don't worry about what people think about you - so what if a load of boys from your year at school saw you dressed as a fish while doing pantomime?  And so what if they filmed it and sent it around school?  Facebook hasn't been invented yet so it'll all be forgotten in a few days and nobody will ever see it again.

10. Don't worry about being clever.  In 10 years time, those kids you were so desperate to be friends with will be a distant memory.

11. School really isn't that bad.  Only being there from 9am until 3.20pm with a couple of breaks in between will seem like heaven when you enter the world of fulltime work.

12. Stop experimenting with your mum's make-up and buy your own.  That orange line on your chin where you haven't quite blended your foundation into your neck is not pretty.

13. Similarly, stop with the eye liner.  There's no need for the heavy, black eyes.

14. Most of the boys you fancy now, who don't like you back, will end up fat, ugly and in dead-end jobs.  You won't.

15. 'Accidentally' getting changed in front of your webcam is not cool.

16. You're right, you'll never need to use algebra, Pythagoras, or all that other rubbish that is deemed 'really important' at school.

17. Those career advisers are wrong, your GCSE options really won't impact that much on your career path.  If you want to do the subject which means you get to take the pretend baby home for the night, you do it!

18. You haven't yet experienced proper heartbreak, sorry!  Just because your 'boyfriend of 8 months' kissed someone you thought was your friend is not the end of the world.  Give it a week and you'll fancy someone else and he'll have had three more girlfriends by then.  Romance moves fast at 14.

19. You're not 'frigid' - 90% of those stupid boys saying that have probably never even touched a girl's boob never mind anything else.

20. Don't, I repeat don't, think it's cool to be a chav.  Walking round York in trackies tucked into your football socks, with a Fred Perry jumper on and huge silver hoop earrings will haunt you for the rest of your days.  And, if you put photos on MySpace and Bebo they, too, will haunt you. (What the hell was I thinking!?)

21. You haven't met the person you're going to marry and have babies with yet.  So it doesn't matter if that idiot boy you fancy doesn't fancy you back.

22. You might feel like the oldest, most mature, sensible person in the world - but you're only 14.  Don't be in a rush to grow up, enjoy being a teenager and being able to get away with doing teenage things.

23. You and your friends will fall out and make up, and fall out and make up.  Drama is everywhere when you're a teenager - just be thankful there's no Facebook to exaggerate the issues further.

24. Don't dye your hair brown.  Just don't do it.  You'll hate it and you'll have brown hair on your prom photos and you'll hate them, too.

25. Throw away that brown belt made up of big circles with studs in the middle.  One day, Deidre on Coronation Street will be wearing one and it's best to get rid of all hard evidence that you also owned one.

26. Don't stress about shaving your legs for P.E.  In years to come, you'll go for weeks on end without shaving your legs and it won't phase you.

27. Stop straightening your hair every single day.  Split ends are not pretty, neither is really thin, damaged hair.

28. DJ Cammy, DJ Rankin and all their little friends will vanish into thin air.  You'll still always remember the rap to 'MC Smally', but it's best not to ever publicly demonstrate that.  Or your previous love for the tinny, chavvy music.  Delete them from your iTunes and move swiftly on as if it never happened.

29. Well done for not giving in to the pressure to smoke.  Spending your money on chocolate and clothes was a much better choice.

30. Don't be scared to be yourself.  Don't try and dumb yourself down just to fit in - be proud of your high marks on tests and essays.  Don't be scared to put your hand up in class and stop caring what other people think about you. 

31. Stop worrying about boys not fancying you.  You'll go a long time without boys showing any real interest but that's ok, you only need to find one good one (and you do).

32. But most importantly, enjoy being a teenager!  You have no bills (except your pay as you go mobile), you have no real responsibilities, and nothing except who your top 8 friends will be on MySpace to worry about.  Enjoy!

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  1. This is so what i would tell my 14 year old self. Apart from the chav part i went to the other extreme and went through the emo stage.
    Love this

    1. Haha Awww! I dipped my toe in the emo phase but it didn't work out for me haha xx

  2. Hahah this was pretty much me at 14 too. Except I'm happy to say I never dyed my hair brown! And also the boys I was so in love with are actually still really hot - damn it!! x

  3. Good work here. I wrote myself a letter at 13 and just opened it last year...I learned a lot doing so.... https://johnpaulwilson1.wordpress.com/2014/12/28/dear-john/

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