07/02/2017

9 insane wedding worries that keep me awake at night

On the whole I have remained relatively calm throughout the wedding planning process. Compared to how fraught I thought I would be, I think I've done a stirling job of keeping it together. I don't feel like I've had any major bridezilla meltdowns or lost my shit undeservedly at anything.

I have, however, had some completely crazy thoughts and worries which have kept me awake for hours at night.  I've shared one of these with you before on a previous blog.  I was worried our venue wouldn't save a room for us for our wedding night, even comparing us to Mary and Joseph in the Nativity and there being no room at the inn.  Doesn't exactly scream 'I've got my shit together', does it?

I'm notoriously a huge over thinker.


My usual thought train starts with me getting all excited, then I picture something in my head - for example my beautiful bridesmaids walking down the aisle with their bouquets - and I start to worry.  Start to worry about their bouquets and something going wrong with the flowers, worry that I'll forget to put one of their dresses in the car, worry that I'll have forgotten to buy an accessory or something for them... You can see where I am going with this.  I am a worrier.

My best friend, and maid of honour, always takes the brunt of my worries. I start talking and then my mouth runs away with me and I think of other things I've not yet worried about. I honestly think I need some help!

Anyway, bless her, she's getting married just after me so is going through all the same things and, when I start fretting, I make her all stressed too. She'll probably read this and her anxiety levels will go through the roof (I'm so sorry, Soph, it'll be over soon haha!)  She's been amazing, though, at keeping me sane and reminding me what really matters.

People keep asking me if I'm nervous about getting married as the day gets ever closer and I always have the same response - I'm not nervous about the marriage element, I'm nervous about all the things that could go wrong.

I've had some other crazy, irrational, unreasonable thoughts and worries, though, so I thought I'd share some of them with you all (just incase you didn't already think I was mentally unhinged enough!)

1. What if I am poorly?
Last year, out of nowhere, I got a really serious kidney infection and ended up in hospital.  I literally had no signs or symptoms of a water infection then bam, my kidneys were playing up and I was hospitalised for four days.  What if that happens again, and I'm staggering down the aisle with cold sweats and a stabbing pain in my back feeling like I am going to wet myself every three minutes?

2. On the subject of sweat, what if I get sweat patches and my dress looks ridiculous on my photos?
I'm a sweaty person.  I sweat when I'm nervous, when I'm warm, when I'm anxious, even sometimes when I'm cold... I just sweat a lot.  I'll undoubtedly be nervous, walking down the aisle with so many people staring at me, so what if I sweat like never before?  What if it's a hot day and I get a sweaty bum and it looks like I've wet myself? I remember when I was trying wedding dresses on I mentioned to the lady about a sweaty bum and she looked at me like I had three heads.

3. What if the florist/photographer/registrar/videographer/cake lady break down on their way?
I know that's what wedding insurance is for, but crikey.  I wouldn't like to be the person who had to pass that message on to me on the morning of the wedding if it did happen.

4. What if my body changes dramatically between my last fitting and the big day?
Scales aren't always a fair representation of our body shape.  I know when I did Slimming World 110%, I could have weeks where I was good as gold food wise, but if I hammered certain things in the gym it wouldn't necessarily show on the scales but my body shape would change.  I'll be petrified of touching a chocolate digestive after my last fitting, particularly given my dress was already slightly tight around my hips when I tried it on just before Christmas! Similarly, I'll be worried incase I lose more weight between my last fitting and the big day and it's too big. Although, I suppose then I don't have to worry about pigging out and drinking loads on the day!

5. What if I get a terrible break-out of spots?
I've found myself a make-up artist now (thanks to all you lovely lot who recommended me people!) so I'm hoping she also doubles as a magician and could deal with any break-out if it did occur.  I'm not typically a spotty person, usually just getting the odd pimple on my chin around the time that mother nature is visiting.  But you can guarantee I'll suddenly start suffering with acne again on the morning of the wedding.

6. What if I start crying and can't stop?
To be honest, I'm actually more worried about Tom doing this.  He said to me the other night "how much would you like me to cry?" As if he was going to plan his cry in advance.  He then went on to ask if I wanted him to do "full on crocodile tears" or uncontrollable sobbing.  I told him to go with whatever the mood took him, providing they were tears of happiness and not seeing me and crying in despair at what I look like/the prospect of spending the rest of his days with me.  It may take more than half an hour for our ceremony, though, if we're trying to get our words out in between snotty sobs.

7. What happens if I spill something down my dress?
I am quite clumsy. I often will spill stuff down me or just make a mess which ends up all over whatever I'm wearing. What if this happens during the wedding breakfast? Doesn't have to be food, I could spill my drink on me! I've tried hard to only focus on choosing plain coloured foods (i.e. not spag bol or tomato soup) for the wedding breakfast, but I hadn't really thought about drinks. I love red wine now but not sure I'd even dare have a bottle on the table incase I got over-excited, kicked the table and the whole bottle ended up down the most expensive item of clothing I'll ever wear in my entire life.

8. What if Tom doesn't turn up?
I would bet my entire life on this not happening. I know he'll be there ridiculously early on the morning of the wedding checking everything is coming together and watching the minutes tick by until people start arriving and the ceremony starts. However, when I get on one of my anxious and worrying trains, I always come across this stop. What if I am a complete cow bag in the weeks leading up to the big day and he decides he can't deal with me any more? What if he suddenly wakes up on the morning of the wedding and has a change of heart? Or, what if he has a bad dream about me and it makes him hate me? I get these all the time. Where he dream cheats on me or just pisses me off in my dream and I am mad at him for half the following day as a result. Poor guy, he really deserves a bloody medal if he does turn up and marry me - I'm crackers!

9. What if it rains?
The weather is one thing that, no matter how much I worry about it, I can change. I can't ring the weather up the day before and check that they do still have our booking for sun, or check that they are still coming and that they know what time the ceremony starts. If it rains, it rains. I don't have much luck with the weather being on my side, so I am prepared for rain. Whatever happens, rain or shine, I am sure the day will be magical.

At the end of the day, I must remember, that as long as Tom and I are there nothing else really matters.  There are dozens of things that could go wrong - believe me, I've thought of them all at some point - but the most important thing about the day is us getting married.

Everything else, while lovely additions, only adds to the day and the memories.  If I have to walk down the aisle with a scruffy top knot, my own haphazard attempt at make-up, with some daffodils I picked up from the hotel grounds on my way, then so be it.

As long as when I go to sleep that evening it's as Mrs Natalie Kershaw, then all will be well with the world.


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