Google searches, sore body parts and weird symptoms

The first trimester is finally behind me and, so it seems, are some of the worst symptoms I was experiencing.

Sickness was probably the worst one but I've also suffered really badly with tiredness, food aversions and a rather strange collection of other symptoms.

Nobody told me pregnancy - and the associated 'side effects' - could be so strange.

If anyone were to take a took at my Google history, they would think I was insane. Some of the stuff that is happening to my body, and the things people tell me will happen, are just insane. I can't even bring myself to ask people I know who have been pregnant recently - the only person I really know well enough is my boss, which would be well awks considering some of the things I've been Googling! - if this shit is normal, so trusty Google it is.

I won't go into too much detail, because nobody wants to know the ins and outs of my person; but here's a tiny insight.

Every night I lather my rounding guy and my ever-growing boobs in Palmer's tummy butter (gotta try and combat the inevitable stretch marks!), spray moisturiser on my nipples (because I can't stand for them to be touched at all), and slap enough Sudocrem on my spotty face to plaster a decent sized wall.

Seriously, who knew your nipples got so dry and sore?! The shit that is going on down there is mental. They look different every day and I just don't even know what's normal anymore. I've seen so many pictures on Google of pregnant people's nipples, just to reassure myself that mine are normal, to last me a frigging lifetime.

I plan to breastfeed baby Kershaw when he/she arrives, so Christ only knows what they will look like then. I saw this picture the other day, hopefully nothing too much like this...

My skin is also horrific, which is highly traumatic for me. As a teenager, I had awful acne and went on really strong tablets to get rid of it. Then, from the age of about 15, I was on the pill to keep my raging hormones under control and stop them escaping my body as mini mountains on my face and back.

Now, it's like a scaled down version of the pissing Pennines on my chin!!

Thankfully, my face as a whole has escaped the epic breakout that seems to have ensued. My jawline and neck have taken the brunt, which I can deal with at this time of year with turtle necks and scarves.

Other than that, I literally have no idea what to do to them. They are so sore, so red and so god damn big!

Then, there's all the other crazy stuff that's going down. All the bogeys, the farting, the crazy dreams and being unable to string a proper sentence together because I either forget what I was going to say, or just forget how to speak English.

I am quickly learning that this stage of pregnancy is far from glamorous.

You see these celebrity mums-to-be in glossy magazines posing naked with their bumps and they look glowing and so happy. I really can't wait for the glowing phase to arrive.

As well as the weird symptoms - I'll stop talking about my nipples now - I am learning a lot about the human body.

I must have not been paying attention during a lot of my science lessons at school because I had no idea that some of these parts even existed, let alone what they were called/where they were located.

One of my friends messaged me after I told her I was pregnant and was telling me about a pregnant lady in her office who happily shared with everyone her experience of perineum massage.

I haven't ever seen this on a spa menu before, so assumed it wasn't something I booked into the beautician for.

My first Google search...

I mean, I was taken aback. I don't think you'll catch me discussing this with my colleagues in the office (I prepare to write about it and share it with all of you instead...haha!)

Seriously, though, WHAT?!

I'd never even heard of this perineum. It makes me wonder whether we were taught the intimate details of the female body at school, or whether I just dozed off that day.

My next Google search...

I'm not going to lie, I am still not 100% sure of how this kind of massage works.  And I'm certainly not going to be getting on YouTube for a tutorial on that one!

Now that I have a bit more energy, and feel more like myself, I have lots of blogs planned to bore you all to tears with. I have been working on a piece about learning to deal with my ever-changing body which I hope will be relatable to other first-time mums. And maybe even just to others, who are seeing changes to their bodies because of health reasons.

You may also like: The first trimester in a nutshell

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