30/05/2018

Hello maternity leave

That's it, I'm officially on maternity leave!

Well, I say officially, my maternity leave "officially" starts on Friday as I have taken tomorrow as a lieu day, but I am no longer at work. 

That's me now, for nine months! And I have just two weeks until baby Kersh's due date.

Yep, I'm 38 weeks pregnant today. How I have managed to stay in work this long is beyond me. The last week or two has been such a struggle.
I've not been sleeping too well so it's been very difficult still working full time. I've also been soooo uncomfortable downstairs due to her being so low down. When I had my 36-week appointments two weeks ago she was 3/5 engaged. I'm unsure whether 1 or 5 is fully engaged, but at least I know 3/5 is halfway to whichever it is!!

I have my 38-week appointment tomorrow so I am excited to see what she says this time - hopefully she is a bit further down (it certainly bloody feels like it!) and almost ready to make her grand entrance.

A few people said to me that I was mad working so close to my due date, but it's definitely helped time go so much quicker. I think if I had just been sat at home I would be so bored. All my friends and family would still be at work, so I'd just be sat here watching Friends on Netflix constantly. I started watching Love Island series two again a couple of weeks ago, mainly during the night when I couldn't get back to sleep, and I've stormed through that.

But staying at work has meant time has flown and I now just have two weeks to wait until she's here (maximum four). Although, I really hope I don't go over. The last week I have been so fed up and so uncomfortable, if I go over I'll be the most miserable person.

As the saying goes, though, baby will come when baby is ready.


On the whole, I've really enjoyed being pregnant. After the initial sickness passed, I've had it quite straightforward and easy. I'm not sure I'd go as far to say I'll miss my bump, but I will definitely miss feeling her move all the time. It's so special feeling her rolling around and kicking out. It's got to the stage now where I can tell what she is poking out - whether it's an elbow or a foot or her bum.

I will definitely miss that feeling.

But I can't wait to start getting back into shape. It was our wedding anniversary earlier this month and looking back at all our pictures and videos made me miss my old figure. I know it'll never be the same again, but I can't wait to get as close as possible!

Of course, it won't be my main priority, but it's definitely not something I'll be putting off. I'll be putting down the packs of biscuits and the chocolate I've been overindulging in (because, if you're going to put weight on anyway you may as well have fun with it!) and getting back on that Slimming World train.

I've always tried to be open and honest on my blog during my pregnancy - I'm sure I've lost a few people along the way because, of course, that's not everyone's cup of tea. But I have maybe picked up a few new readers, too, so hello to you!

It's been so nice to keep a log of how I have been feeling and the changes I've been experiencing. It'll be lovely to read it all back in years to come, and one day give it to Peanut to read, too!

The next chapter is going to be the most exciting, the most scary, and the most life-changing. I have no idea what to expect, but I know it's going to be amazing.

I obviously have some concerns, but you tell me what first-time parent doesn't?

Ideally, I would like to breastfeed, but I'm not going to pressure myself into making it work if me and/or baby don't get along with it. I have read posts by so many mums who persevered with it for so long, despite it not really working for them, only for it to make them, and their baby, so miserable. I don't want that. I will give it a go, and if it works then brilliant. If not, I will move onto bottles. As long as she is fed and happy, that's all that matters to me.

I am also worried about the elephant in the room - postnatal depression. I am naturally quite an upbeat, happy person and have never struggled with depression before. However, postnatal depression doesn't look at those qualities in people before "deciding" who it picks. It can happen to anyone. There are so many pressures on new mums, whether it is their first baby, their second or their third. Pressure to be seen "doing the right thing", pressure to feed them in a certain way, pressure to "snap back" to your pre-baby body (don't expect this from me, FYI, despite my determination to get back to Slimming World!), and pressure to be the perfect mum.

Those pressures will never go away, and I know that being a new mum will constantly put me under a microscope. I have seen so many new mums post things on Facebook and Instagram and the army of "perfect mums" jump straight down their throat for doing things "wrong". I ain't about that, if you can't say anything nice - don't say anything at all.

I really hope that the support network Tom and I have around us will mean I won't suffer with postnatal depression. But, if I do, I won't be scared to ask for help. It's nothing to be ashamed of and it's something we should always be aware of each other's mental health struggles.

Things have taken a bit of a negative turn, I do apologise! I'll wrap it up there as I am nearing the end of Love Island season two and I really want to give it my full attention (not that I don't know who wins, I just love re-watching it all!)

Depending how much time I have on my hands between now and baby Kersh arriving, I may find time to write another post for you all. I am very conscious, though, of boring you all with pregnancy talk - hence my radio silence for the past few weeks!

Otherwise, I will see you on the flip side - when I am a mamma!! Holy smokes, that's scary!

I can't wait to see what she looks like. I found this photo comparison the other day of me and my mum when we were similar ages. I really hope that she will look like us, too, and when she gets to the same age we can add her photo onto it, too!

Pretty sure, even if she doesn't look like me, she'll have the pose going down!


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