We've survived our first month

We have survived our first month of work/nursery and come out the other side almost unscathed.

I say almost because we've all been riddled with germs since week two.

Of course, starting nursery comes with lots of new germs and Peyton's done a cracking job of picking up a pretty hefty cold. She was snotty for what felt like forever, passed it onto me and Tom, then got over it for a couple of days before coming down with another one. Grand.

My third week back at work and I felt like death warmed up and ended up getting tonsillitis, so not the best start to being back!

However.

We've both had a ball.

Peyton absolutely loves nursery. She is always so happy when I drop her off on a morning. Even on her first day she didn't cry, she just went to the ladies and happily went about starting to get breakfast.

Now, when we get there, as soon as her coat is off she's putting her arms out to go to the nearest member of staff, grinning at everyone she sees.

It's so nice that she is so happy, and has such a good relationship with them already. It definitely makes it easier for me.

I was worried that if she was upset that I would cry, too. But, no tears from her meant none from me! I did have a knot in my stomach most of the day on my first day back - particularly when I saw a missed call from nursery on my phone and a dozen messages from Tom asking what I was doing and why I didn't answer when nursery rang - but no tears.

FYI, the phone call was just to check she could have some Calpol cos she had a high temperature due to her top four teeth all deciding to come through together on the poor girl's first day of nursery. Ideal.

Last week she had to be sent home from nursery because she had picked up a bug that was doing the rounds. Because she had the runs it meant she couldn't go back for 48 hours after they'd ended. Brilliant. Cue a last minute rush to find childcare for her for Wednesday so that I could still go to work. Wednesday is my busiest day, with it being deadline, and last Wednesday was a proper chaotic one - so I deffo needed to be there!

I think having a few days away from nursery has helped her get rid of her snotty nose/cold, though, because *touch wood* she is clear today. Instead of going to work not realising I had snot wiped on my shoulder, I went to work with toothpaste all down my arm today. Maybe one day I'll make it out without her leaving me a little reminder on my top!

Tired little babe after a busy day of playing.

I always knew I wanted Peyton to go to nursery, even if our parents could've covered her childcare fulltime. I loved nursery as a kid and wanted her to have that, too. I didn't envisage our bill being more than our mortgage but hey ho! (And she's only there three days a bloody week!) We do the tax-free childcare scheme, though, and that helps massively. It saves us just over £100 a month which is way better than nothing! For any parents with kids in nursery who aren't doing this you need to get on it! It's a revelation.

I even saw Martin Lewis talking about it on a clip This Morning shared this week, so you know it's good if he's advocating it!

She's already come on so much in the four weeks since she started. Her eating is getting even better - she eats more and more now and eats so well, even some days not having her afternoon bottle; her sleeping is better, although I am trying to stop stressing/obsessing over her sleep so much; and her personality is coming out even more. She's proper babbling now, too, and sometimes will copy sounds you make to her. Sometimes we get "mama" but it's few and far between and is literally one of the only sounds she knows how to make, so I'm not getting excited just yet ha.

She has just started to wave too. It's the cutest thing. She waves at people waving on TV, waves at the cats when they come in the room, and was even waving at the dogs at mum and dad's at the weekend.

We've passed the nine-month-old milestone now which is terrifying! The fact she's now been alive, and on this earth, for longer than she was in my tummy blows my mind. I can't believe she will be one in less than three months.

One year of being a mum, of winging it every second of the day, and of learning to adapt to this crazy new normal.

I think we may have stopped breastfeeding now. I haven't fed her from me since Friday through the night. Before she got her tummy bug she did five out of seven nights without feeding during the night. When she woke she either went back off to sleep within a couple of minutes or she just didn't wake at all (she obviously stirred to roll over etc but didn't whinge). That told me that she didn't really need the night feed anymore, she was literally just doing it for comfort. My boobs don't fill up anymore and I'm certain she doesn't get anything from me during the night.

All we've been doing have been night feeds since she started nursery, she has bottles of formula the rest of the time.

In some ways I already miss breastfeeding her. However, on the whole, I am glad our little breastfeeding "journey" has ended like it has. I do wish we'd marked our 'last feed' but, I guess, you never really know when your last feed is going to be. I may still end up feeding her myself in a day or two, but she certainly isn't feeding every night anymore.

The move from boob to formula was gradual, natural and she has taken to the transition really, really well. It's nice to not have to worry about what I wear now and whether it is breastfeeding friendly; it's nice for her to not expose me to everyone when I would feed her out in public; and it's nice to be able to let others feed her and share the load. However, I do miss the ease of feeding her myself and definitely don't miss having to plan to take enough milk out with me; and not being able to be as spontaneous as before because I haven't brought enough milk.

I also do not enjoy how expensive formula is. What is that all about?! I saw an article recently about how mums water down formula to try and make it last longer because they can't afford to buy it all the time. It's absolutely disgusting that people feel they are driven to that because this country is so on its arse that it leaves mums on the dismal maternity pay to fork out for milk for their babies at such a high premium.

The whole nursery funding saga is a bloody joke as well, but don't get me started on that! How parents who don't work get free hours over those that do absolutely baffles me. Because parents who don't have a job to go to really need those free hours/childcare spaces over those who go back to work and need childcare for their babies in order to work... Baffling.

Anyway, enough about that!

There isn't really much else to report from us.

Life feels like it's going 100mph at the moment. Time is going even quicker than it was before I was back at work, I can't believe it's already April!! I'm back four days a week now until July, when I go back full-time, and, honestly, I don't know how I am going to find the time. I am already struggling to spin all my plates and juggle everything as it is, without adding another day at work in the mix.

I miss Peyton so, so much when I'm at work. I only see her for about an hour, depending what time she wakes up, on a morning before I take her to nursery. Then we only have just over an hour once we get home before she goes to bed. It makes my days off with her even more precious, but I do feel bad that I don't spend as much time with her as I would like.

There's nothing nicer, though, than picking her up from nursery and seeing her speed crawl across the room to me and reach out to be picked up. Those first hugs after a day apart are the best.