35 thoughts that go through your mind during an Instagram stalking session...

Let's be honest, we all do it - we delicately scroll through our smartphones, carefully trying not to accidentally like something from 67 weeks ago and then wonder 'how did I get this far?'

Yep, Instagram stalking sessions are a favourite amongst most active social media users.  It's a place where it's acceptable to spend far longer than normal scrolling through the feeds of old classmates, former work colleagues, people you don't like, and complete strangers.

I probably spend longer stalking the Instagrams of people I don't know/don't like/don't speak to any more than I do the ones of my closest friends and family - weird.

I'm sure that I'm not the only one who enjoys a good 'social media stalking session' first thing on a morning/during a toilet break/at dinner time/on an evening/before bed/basically any opportunity which sees my phone in my hand.  Here are a collection of thoughts I'm sure you'll have had, too, during an Instagram stalking session:


1. How is it possible that she can upload so many good selfies?  It literally takes me 20-odd attempts for my phone to replicate how cute I think I look.

2. I wish I had the motivation to go to the gym as much as they do.

3. Maybe they're not really going to the gym and have just got dressed in their nice Nike leggings, bright trainers and tiny crop top to take a photo and upload it to Instagram.  I bet they're sat there watching Friends re-runs and eating chocolate digestives really.

4. Do people actually, legitimately wear such skimpy outfits to the gym?  It's a while since I've been but I don't remember that being a 'thing' last time I was there.

5. Why hasn't anyone posted anything new in the last 30 seconds?  Maybe I need to follow more people.

6. I think someone went out last night *scrolls through pictures of every stage of their night*

7. Oooh Kourtney Kardashian posted a picture which featured no mention of Scott Disick out - have they split up?!

8. I'm not sure that some people understand the use of hashtags.

9. How have they got so many likes on their photo?!

11. I'm sure when they first posted that photo there were dozens of hashtags which have now miraculously disappeared since the post got over 50 likes.  How peculiar.

12. I didn't realise they even knew each other, let alone were friends... *stalks each person's photos to see how long this friendship has been forged*

13. Why is there so many pictures on here of girls with amazing figures making me feel bad?

14. If it's not 'fitspiration' pictures it's photos of 'food porn' - I CAN'T HAVE BOTH STOP TEASING ME!

15. I get that the point of Instagram is to jazz your snaps up with a filter, but #NoFilter means nothing anymore given the amount of filters you can put on a photo just from your camera roll.  Unless it's of a beautiful scene that doesn't need a filter, stop bragging about how naturally pretty you are.

16. I'm dangerously far down this feed now, best be careful not to accidentally like anything and give myself away.

17. What do some of those comments on Kim Kardashian's posts even mean?  First for first?  Am I really old because I don't understand this lingo?

18. The moment of joy when you see a good, unique quote that just sums you up at the moment.

19. Oh look, someone is having eggs benedict for breakfast - lucky them.

20. I want eggs benedict for breakfast.

21. I wish I lived in London.

22. I wish I lived in New York.

23. Are they really on holiday again?

24. Why doesn't my hair ever go as nice as that?  I wonder what products she uses?

25. I've just suddenly got 35 likes... Oh, it's the same person obviously on a mass stalking/liking session of my profile.  Let's see who they are then...

26. WHY IS THEIR PROFILE PRIVATE?!  There's always one who ruins the fun.

27. I wonder if there's anything new on my feed yet?

28. If I close the app down and then re-open it will that make a difference?

29. Some people really are terrible at taking photos.

30. She has really great eyebrows, I wonder if people ever think that about me?  Probably not. *Cries*

31. OMG *screenshots to send to best friend* - 'have you seen this?!'

32. What on earth is Kim Kardashian wearing now?

33. Where did Khloe Kardashian's bum come from?

34. I wish I was a Kardashian.

35. That escalated quickly *currently stalking a photo from 241 weeks ago* - maybe I better go do something productive with my day now.


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