I wish I was one of them girls who could just eat anything and never get chubby

This week has been hard.  I've absolutely loved Slimming World since starting - I find the recipes to be fab, the concept is amazing and the results even better.

But this week I've struggled.  Struggled to motivate myself to cook, struggled not to eat crap in between meals, and struggled to eat vegetables (which is not like me).  My first salad of the week was Tuesday.  Tuesday!!  Usually I have salad everyday.

I absolutely love cooking and since starting Slimming World I have really enjoyed cooking all our teas from scratch and learning new recipes and using new ingredients.  But this week, frankly, I just couldn't be arsed.  As I stood cooking tea on Monday night I wished I could just stick a pizza in and it be done with minimal effort required from me.

This was how I felt at the time...

I really do wish I could just be one of them girls that can eat whatever she wants and not get chubby.  But, unfortunately, I'm like the majority and only have to think about fast food and naughty (but nice) food and I'll put on a pound. I've probably put two on just writing this blog post! Dammit.

Tom deserved a Slimming World medal this week for stopping me falling off the wagon on Saturday. I had such a sweet craving and nothing I tried even touched it. I'll give you an insight into our conversation:

Me: I'm in such a snacky mood
Tom: You know where the celery is 
Me: *hands in jar full of chocolates*
Tom: Get off, give me that
Tom: *pulling jar off my hand*
Me: *grabbing as many chocolates as I can*
Tom: Don't touch this *puts my SW books and certificates on top of the jar*

I always joke and say he's trying to sabotage me but he stopped me sabotaging myself at the weekend and limited the damage.

He, unfortunately, wasn't around on Sunday to do the same but I managed to have a bit of self-restraint and stop at just 15 syns of Dairy Milk.  At one point, I was pacing the floor in the kitchen trying to talk myself out of wanting chocolate.  I had a few more sneaky bits of chocolate after and, whilst I didn't count the syns, I know it can't have been too catastrophic as it was out of my 'syn bin' box that I made from Christmas.

Thank God I made that because otherwise I'd have scoffed a whole chocolate orange, a big bar of chocolate, tubes of Munchies and everything else I could get my hands on!  I just stopped at one bag which was a miracle really considering how crazy I felt.

The worst thing was, I still wanted more.  I wasn't hungry, I didn't really feel like I wanted it, but I felt this need for it.  I felt so sick afterwards and instantly regretted my decision but, unfortunately, regret doesn't undo damage that has already been done.

It's been so hard this week.  I've experienced cravings like never before, to the point where I've felt like a woman possessed.

Mother nature is to blame for this, I am sure, as her visit has coincided with the chocolate monster rearing its ugly head.  I am so dreading weigh-in tonight, to the point where I have written this blog before I even know what the scales are going to say.  Last time it was that time of the month was the week I was gutted I only lost 1lb - I'd tried so hard and was so disappointed.  This week, I've tried a medium amount.  Actually, that's a fib, all my meals have been great it's been the inbetween-y bits that I've been bad with.

This week has just been hard.  (Incase you didn't already gather that ha!)

I think because I am so close to my target, and feel so much better in myself already, I've found it that bit harder to push on and motivate myself.  I fit into a pair of jeans that I've not been able to fasten comfortably, and without a muffin top, since 2011 the other day.  I even managed to almost do the splits in them (long story) and they didn't even rip/tear!!  And when I was scoffing the chocolate I just thought 'well, I can fit into them jeans so it's fine'.  But that is the wrong attitude - and I know that.  If I stick with that attitude then they won't fit me for long!

We got some pictures back this week of a mini 'photoshoot' me and Tom had for a magazine (another long story).  We'd had the pictures taken in November, three days after I started Slimming World.  As Tom put it, that was my "peak".

Looking at the pictures I was a bit mortified really - I WISH I'D STARTED SLIMMING WORLD EARIER.  Or had the pictures taken later.

But they were great to see how far I have come.  My face was the first thing I noticed - it's not as round or as chubby.  Then I noticed my arms, legs - everywhere.  Even my fingers have lost weight (I didn't notice that from the pictures!)  I need to go get my engagement ring re-sized because it's two sizes too big now.

That's progress.  And having things like that to compare a 'then and now' to really make me realise how well I have done.

Now I'm just really mad at myself.  If I'd had a good loss this week, all I needed was another good loss next week and I'd be there - at target.  That elusive goal that I never thought I would ever see.  I shouldn't be disheartened because I have done so well to get where I am.  But I'm just mad at myself for pushing it back a week.

I shouldn't be, though, and as soon as I click 'publish' on this I'll stop.  At Christmas I set myself a target of reaching my target weight by Easter.  I could lose a pound a week and still achieve that.  If you'd have told me at Christmas I'd be at target for Easter I'd have been chuffed.  My problem is I'm impatient.  I want to do everything right now and as quickly as possible.

I'm rambling now, I'll stop.  Here's this week's food diary for you, hopefully I'll be more springy and excitable next week!  And hopefully the scales won't be too harsh on me later, although I feel if they are it might spur me on a bit more.  Either that or send me diving into a vat of melted chocolate with a side of creme eggs... Mmmmmmmmmm!!

Week 15 food diary

Day one:

Breakfast: Poached eggs on a bed of spinach
Snack: Apple
Tea: Pizza-topped chicken (40g reduced fat cheddar as my HEA) with salad and homemade chips
Snack: Two hi-fi light bars (HEB) with a vanilla muller light
Syns for the day: 0

Day two:

Breakfast: Melon
Dinner: Pizza-topped chicken with salad
Snack: Apple and pear
Tea: Chicken sofrito with butternut squash spaghetti
Syns for the day: 0

Day three:

Breakfast: Bacon and egg sandwich on wholemeal bread (HEB)
Dinner: Plain scone (12 syns) with 1 tbsp strawberry jam (0.5 syns)
Snack: Two Bourbon biscuits (7 syns)
Snack: 3 Quality Street chocolates (6 syns)
Syns for the day: 25.5

Day four:

Breakfast: Strawberry and raspberry baked oats (1 Syn for cooked fruit) with fresh strawberries
Dinner: Homemade butternut squash soup
Snack: Quavers (4.5 syns)
Snack: Apple and two pears
Tea: Sticky five spice gammon (1 Syn) with pepper stir fry veg and noodles
Snack: 15 syns of Dairy Milk
Syns for the day: 21.5

Day five:

Breakfast: Melon and strawberries
Snack: Pear
Dinner: Homemade butternut squash soup
Snack: Apple and pear
Snack: Caramel shortbread (18 syns)
Tea: SW sweet chilli chicken with cauliflower rice and broccoli (1/2 syn)
Syns for the day: 18.5

Day six:

Breakfast: Bacon and egg sandwich on wholemeal bread (HEB)
Snack: Strawberries
Dinner: Homemade butternut squash soup
Snack: Apple and pear
Tea: Turkey burger with butternut squash spaghetti and salad
Snack: 15 syns of Smarties
Syns for the day: 15

Day seven:

Breakfast: Melon and strawberry
Snack: Blueberry, apple and grapes
Dinner: Butternut squash
**Will have tea after weigh-in**
Syns for the day: 0

You may also like: Some of this week's recipes

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