A guide to understanding women.

It’s one of the most over-used phrases by the male half of the population: ‘women are so difficult to understand’.  Men across the world struggle, on a daily basis, to make sense of the complex, ever-changing female and her actions.

It’s true, to some degree, that women are complex characters who take a fair bit of time to understand.   

But, it’s time to let the gentlemen of this world know that women are not as complex as you have been led to believe. 

We are very simple creatures, really.

Here are 10 things you probably didn't know/understand about women before today.  Maybe now you will see we aren't that different from you after all:

1. We understand the offside rule.

Most women have seen Bend it Like Beckham and the handy demonstration with the French mustard and the terriyaki sauce.  We know how it works.

2. We poo.

Yes, sorry guys, but it’s true.  We poo.  Once a day, twice a day... We even talk about it with each other.  Not so dissimilar to men after all!  We also fart.  It’s unlikely that it was just our ‘skin rubbing on the leather seat’ or the dog.  We only fib to save yourselves; we know how much the images of people like Mila Kunis, Michelle Keegan, and Margot Robbie having a big poo really upset you. 

3. Just because we are crying doesn't mean we are sad.

Women cry all the time – hormones are a dangerous thing.  We cry when we are happy, sad, confused, angry, worried... We’ll cry at Coronation Street, X Factor, Made in Chelsea, the news, Crufts... Don’t question or mock it – we can’t help it!

4. Girls talk.

We tell each other everything – no matter how big or small (literally, in every sense of the word...).  Just like you brag about things to your mates, we do the same.  But we don’t just brag – we tell every, single, tiny detail no matter how insignificant it may seem.  So, whether you have done something good or bad, we will know.  If you have a reputation as a wannabe lothario who sees himself as the local area’s biggest and best pulling machine, no doubt one of your conquests will have warned other women about this.  We tell each other everything from sex experiences, to how you eat your food, to what colour underwear you wear, to the school you went to and the area you grew up in.  So don’t be alarmed when, upon meeting our friends for the first time, they already know everything about you (including the size of your feet and your dental records).

5. We know how to drive. And park.

If we have a driving licence, that means that someone has deemed us capable and knowledgeable enough to drive a car on the road, with other cars.  We have a piece of paper which states this.  We can also park said car after we have driven it on the road, with other cars.  We may have our own unique style of parking, preferring to explore more unusual angles and positions within the lines, but we can park nonetheless.  At the end of the day, our car insurance is cheaper for a reason.

6. We don’t like being wrong.

Just like men, we don’t like being wrong.  We’re stubborn and will very rarely admit if we are in the wrong; again, just like men.  Chances are we know that we are wrong anyway, which means we know that you know that we are wrong, and this realisation is worse than you making us admit it.

7. We don’t want our own, we just want some of yours.

Whether it be chips, crisps, onion rings, ice-cream, pudding in a restaurant or any other tasty food goods - we don’t want our own; we’re watching our figures, remember.  But, we would like a bit of yours.  There’s no magical explanation as to why this is, maybe it’s a form of FOMO (fear of missing out).  Similarly, you don't want to buy your own shampoo or moisturiser - you just use ours!

8. We never forget.

Whether it’s the fact you didn't comment on our new hair or you spoke negatively about one of our friends once, four years ago, before you’d even met her – we remember everything.  So don’t be surprised if, during an argument, we bring up something that happened weeks, months, or years beforehand.  If it’s relevant, we’ll use all the ammunition we can lay our hands/memories on.

9. We change our mind a lot.

It’s a woman’s prerogative.  We like to keep you on your toes, after all.  

10. We don't nag.

If you picked up your dirty pants from the floor the first time we asked, we wouldn't have to continue to ask.  If you remembered to flush the toilet and not wee on the seat/floor, we wouldn't have to keep reminding you.  It's not nagging, it's gentle reminders.  Just like you gently remind us when you need a shirt ironing or a cup of tea making.

Overall, I think you will agree that women and men are not all that different.  Many of the traits associated with men are also easy to see in women.

Of course, there are aspects of our personalities which differ from female to female and can be somewhat confusing, complex and complicated.  But, with enough practice and perseverance, you will never have to utter the words ‘women are so confusing’ ever again.  Maybe, instead, you will start to see how similar males and females actually are.

And next time you do think about questioning why we are crying at a cat on the news, or complaining that you don't understand why we act the way we do, remember that you aren't the simplest of codes to crack, either.  Blowing hot and cold more often than a faulty boiler; mood swings that could rival our PMT phase; tendencies to enjoy shouting abuse at people in China over a headset while playing a game aimed at prepubescent teenage boys... I could go on.

My 'Bootea Teatox' experience and review so far - is Bootea for me?

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS GRAPHIC PICTURES OF ME IN A BIKINI WHICH SOME READERS MAY FIND DISTRESSING.


After years of feeling concious about my body and weight, I decided that I would give up weighing myself and just go on how I felt and looked - if I felt good in an outfit and in myself that was all I mattered.

After a pretty rough February I initially dropped to a size 8.  But it wasn't long until I re-discovered my appetite and began eating my feelings (which it seems I had a lot of!)

I ballooned!  I didn't feel comfortable in anything, I felt self-concious in everything I wore and I struggled to find anything I liked about the way I looked.

After a couple of months, I realised I needed to snap out of this vicious cycle - I was sad, so I ate, then I put on weight, which made me sad, so I ate...

With my holiday looming and my bikinis purchased (and looking horrendous, as you will see later...) I decided it was time to take action.

So, I started eating salads, more fruit and veg, cutting out rubbish food and exercising more.

I'm a very impatient person, though, so after a day of eating healthy and a couple of hours in the gym I expect to immediately look like Michelle Keegan.

After about six weeks of my new healthy lifestyle, I was feeling pretty demoralised that nothing was happening.  My bikinis still looked horrible on me, I had no desire to go out and buy holiday clothes, I didn't want to go out and get dressed up because I felt nothing suited me...

That was when I discovered Bootea.  I had seen a lot of people talking about it on Twitter and Facebook, the transformation pictures on Instagram, and all the success stories of people who had tried it really encouraged me to give it a go.

For those who haven't heard of Bootea, it's a 14 or 28 day course which detoxes and cleanses your body.  It involves drinking a cup of green tea every morning for the duration of your course, and a night time cleanse on alternate nights.

The only problem with this?  I hate tea.  Tea, coffee, green tea, herbal tea... I can't stand the stuff.  I pondered it for a while and decided that if the outcome was as good as it promised, it would be worth a couple of nasty tasting teas.  My logic was that I am sure I have drank worse things in my time, I've been to uni after all...

So, I ordered my 28 day teatox and eagerly awaited it's arrival.  In the meantime, I had stepped up my gym attendance and really gone for the healthy eating.  I was also drinking more water than ever before, hoping that would also maybe make some sort of difference.

By the time my tea arrived, I was feeling more fed up than ever.

This was my dire attempt at a bikini body the day before I started my teatox:

 

I constantly felt bloated, no matter what I ate/drank, and I could think of nothing worse than having to bare all in a bikini for two weeks.

In all honesty, this was a particularly bad day.  I don't think I usually looked like that (as far as I am aware, anyway!)  And, before anyone pipes up with any sly remarks - no I was not breathing out, this was me actually trying to breathe in!

But, nevertheless, it was what I looked like the day I started my teatox: BLOATED and uncomfortable.

Just four days into it and I already felt better.  It was like a miracle!

The bloating was gone, my energy levels were up, I was sleeping better, and I was so much more motivated.  Whether this was psychological or not, I am not sure.  But to feel so much better than a week previous can only be a good thing.

I have carried on eating healthily as I did before, although I have maybe been more strict on myself.  I have cut out crisps, chocolate, sweets (all the good things, basically) and, hardest of all, have cut out alcohol.

I've been going to the gym about 5 or 6 times a week and doing at least an hour of cardio and interval training whilst there.

I feel better in myself, more confident and finally excited about getting into a bikini.

This is my bikini body after two weeks, so just half way through my teatox.

I'm very aware that I am still no Victoria's Secrets model, but I don't think I ever will be!  I still want to tone up a bit more but to be able to notice such a difference in just 14 days is good enough for me.

Since beginning Bootea 14 days ago I have lost just over half a stone (yes, I reverted back to weighing myself during this experiment).  I am no longer bloated, I feel better in myself, I have more energy, and my appetite is suppressed; though this could be because I am drink between two and three litres of water a day.

I would highly recommend Bootea to anyone.  Obviously if you eat rubbish and don't do any exercise I can't imagine it being that successful.  They provide you with a free meal plan and a fitness plan (£1.99) which you can download from their website, along with any other information you may require: www.bootea.com.

Bootea isn't supposed to be a meal replacement 'diet' like Herbalife or Juice Plus or whatever else is on the market at the moment.  It's designed to work alongside a healthy, balanced diet with lots of exercise thrown in for good measure.

You don't just drink tea and stop eating - that would be very silly, unhealthy and bad for you.  It's one tea every morning for the duration of your course and a bedtime cleanse every other night before you go to sleep.

A lot of people worry about the side effects of the 'bedtime cleanse'. It contains senna leaves, liquorice leaves and other ingredients which result in laxative effects.  They recommend that you first try the night time cleanse on an evening when you are not at work/going anywhere the next day.  Everyone's body obviously reacts differently so it is wise to be cautious.

Without going into too much detail, I didn't notice anything different.  So, if that is the only thing putting you off, I wouldn't worry.

I can't wait to see what my results will be like after the next 14 days!

If anyone wants to give Bootea a try after reading this, I have a 20% discount code which can be used if you buy your Bootea through this link.

Happy teatox-ing!

You may also like: My 28 day transformation and final Bootea results

All the single ladies, put your hands up!

"The best advice I’ve ever gotten was that I shouldn’t be in a relationship with anyone whom I wouldn’t marry, for it’s a waste of time and takes you off the market.  So don’t worry about relationships – build friendships, and one day maybe you’ll suddenly meet your soul mate, or you’ll realise you want to spend the rest of your life with your best friend.  You’re young, and life shouldn’t be spent trying to fall in love or even having to worry about your partner.  Your life right now should be filled with spending time on finding yourself and building friendships."

I saw this quote on Instagram the other day and I had to smile.  My dad and brother are forever criticising me, most of the time in a playful, light-hearted way, about my lack of a boyfriend.  I've been single for about four years now and, when I tell people this, I always get the same reaction: ‘oh my god, why?!’

Why?  That’s an interesting question, and the answer would differ depending on who you asked.  My dad and my brother would say it’s because I am high maintenance, argumentative, opinionated, difficult, hard work.... The list goes on.  They really know how to sell me!  I, on the other hand, would say it’s because I am too picky.  I don’t want to settle and be in a relationship with just anyone.

Of course, there comes the odd day when I do wish I had a boyfriend, usually when I am hungover/on the odd Sunday when I fancy being snuggled up in bed watching films all day.  

The rest of the time, I am quite happy on my own.  I enjoy not having to worry about whether what I am doing will upset someone else or try and fit them in to my hectic life.  And I like always being able to put my family and friends first.

Until the right person comes along, who I can see myself spending the rest of my life with, I am not willing to give up my freedom; and I don’t think others should be so quick to.

Everyone knows someone who jumps from one relationship to the next.  Whether this is because they don’t like to be on their own, or they are always inundated with men throwing themselves at their feet, I’m not sure.  Each to their own, at the end of the day.  If that’s what makes them happy, good on them!

We live in the 21^st Century where there is no longer a stigma attached to being single.  Beyonce gave all single women their anthem; which definitely trumped Natasha Bedingfield's efforts. 

Now is the time to explore the world, work on yourself, build friendships, and, most of all, have fun.

A lot of my friends are in relationships; and have been for some time.  In some ways, I envy them and feel a bit left out when they always have plans with their other halves.  But, in other ways, I am glad that I am single and don't have anyone to work my plans around/answer to.

I like being able to do what I want, when I want, and, most importantly, with who I want.  Besides, I’m a firm believer in the harder you look for something, the more difficult it is to find.  As soon as you stop looking, the right person pops up where and when you least expect it; and it's usually an existing friend.

Being single for a long period of time doesn't mean you're a man-hating feminist.  I'm certainly neither of those things - I love Blurred Lines & shaving my legs.  I haven't written this to declare my dislike for the male population!  I'm not anti-men by any means, or anti-relationship for that matter, just anti-relationship-for-the-sake-of-it.  I'm all about my friends right now.

It also doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you if you've been single for a while.  Quite the opposite, actually.  It means you’re a strong woman who refuses to settle for anything less than you deserve.