06/11/2016

Canestan cream & lip balm are not two things you want to mix up

I realised I carried too much crap in my handbag when I went to pull what I thought was my lip balm out of a side pocket, only to reveal a tube of Canestan cream to the queue of people behind me at the self-scan in Morrisons.

Rather than quickly shove it back in my bag and dig around for the elusive lip balm, I froze.  Just holding the thrush cream in my hand staring at it for what felt like an eternity.  Also very aware that everyone was staring at me.

Eventually, I found my lip balm.  It was next to my eye drops.

I haven't used said eye drops since I bought them one day when my contact lenses were giving me jip.  I just chucked them in my bag "just incase" I needed them again.  The same with the Canestan cream.  That's been there for months - "just incase".

After realising a pattern was emerging, I decided to look what else I actually carried round with me everyday.

So, here goes.  A list of the entire contents of my handbag:
  • Ibuprofen
  • Solpadeine
  • Tampons
  • Concealer
  • Car keys
  • House keys
  • Impulse body spray
  • Deodorant
  • A hairbrush
  • A three-way mirror
  • Brow gel
  • Hair grips
  • Tissues
  • Tinted lip balm
  • Boots Advantage card vouchers
  • A pinky/orange lipstick
  • Business cards
  • My purse
  • One plaster
  • An umbrella
  • My press pass
  • Sunglasses
  • A nude lipstick
  • A memory stick
  • Tweezers
  • One glove 
  • My iPod
  • A paper clip
  • An empty box of cold and flu tablets
  • Sweetener tablets
  • A number of hair bobbles
  • Chewing gum
  • Screwed up receipts
  • A pink lipstick
  • And a shit-load of pens
It's no wonder my arms ache at the end of a day lugging all that around with me!  It's lucky I don't have a bigger handbag, I dread to think all the other stuff I could fit in.

More than half of the stuff in there I don't even use.  I didn't even know I had the lipsticks in there - I never wear lipstick on a day-to-day basis.

The Boots vouchers get shoved in my bag every time they come through the door, yet I never end up using them.  

And I don't even know what is on the memory stick. 

It really is no wonder I can never find anything in my handbag.

All the stuff I carry around every single day, moaning I can never fit anything else in my bag and complaining that it won't fasten, and I don't even use half of it.  

I mean, one glove.  For crying out loud.  Apart from attempting a shit wintery cover of Bob Marley's classic, there's very little I could do with one bloody glove.  I couldn't even begin to tell you where the other one is.

I can guarantee, if I 'sort' my bag out tonight and keep in it only the essentials, within a fortnight I'll be back to where I am now.  

I really hope it's not just me that carries unnecessary crap around with them all the time?  I bet, ladies, if you look in your bag you'll find some really obscure things in there.  I'd love to know what the strangest thing is you carry round everyday.  Please make me feel better about myself! 

This weekend I will sort out the contents of my bag.  In the process of getting everything out to inspect what was actually in there, then putting it all back in, I broke the bloody zip.  Now, not only do I have an over-filled bag with a load of crap I never even use, but I can't even fasten the zip to hide said crap from the world.

If ever there was a time to be a man, who only needs a pocket for his wallet and keys, this would be it.  

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